Resistance to Language Learning

Why is it that we want to start learning a language — or put more time and effort into making progress with one — and we just can’t get ourselves to do it? It’s similar to other healthy or beneficial habits we would like to create; we know in theory that they would really benefit us if we just got down to work, but there is a strong force in the background that keeps us stuck. That force is resistance.

Interplay between resistance and motivation

Language learning is a process of self-transformation. A new language provides a system of complex rules, and to learn them we need to face the resistance that these obstacles create. But there is not only this intrinsic resistance — there is also resistance that arises from internal and external factors.

On the one hand, we want to be able to speak this language and communicate. On the other hand, we experience inner resistance that leads us to avoid what we need to do in order to get there. This creates tension and ambivalence between our motivation (or lack of it) and the resistance that holds us back. So we procrastinate, avoid or promise ourselves that we will start tomorrow. To overcome this, we need to look more closely at these factors.

Our motivation is based on our why: what exactly do we want to achieve, and why is it important to us? Is there pressure from our environment? Are there expectations connected to the country we live in, our parents who want us to do well in school, or our partner who hopes we can speak to their family?

Identity and Belonging

A useful question to ask is: How will it change who I am if I create a habit of studying the language? Research offers an interesting distinction between the “ideal self” and the “ought-to self”: who I would like to become versus who others want me to be. If our motivation is rooted in the “ought-to self,” we may study mainly to avoid negative consequences: working for a good grade, or attending classes to avoid disappointing someone.

But it’s not just about the benefits of achieving the habit. There may also be a perceived negative effect on our identity. What if I can’t express myself as well as in my native language? Who would I be as a speaker of this new language? Would I still be me? Could I accept myself speaking less than perfectly?

Closely connected to identity is the question of belonging. How would I relate to this group if I spoke their language? Would I become part of that community, nation, or class? Do I even want to belong? Are there political implications? Will I be judged for putting real effort into this? Past experiences can also shape this: if I had a negative encounter with someone linked to a language or nationality, I may resist joining that group.

Beliefs and environment

So, our lack of intrinsic motivation can be tied to identity and belonging, or to external expectations and pressure. Resistance may also come from beliefs we’ve internalized over time: “This language is so hard; everyone says so.” “I’m just not good at languages.” “I don’t have what it takes.”

Another factor is the learning environment. As we’ve discussed before, language anxiety often develops in difficult classroom settings. If we don’t feel comfortable, it won’t boost our motivation.

Some of these factors connect to Deci & Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory, which highlights three needs that support optimal motivation:

1. Competence — feeling effective in interactions with the environment

2. Autonomy — feeling that behaviours are self-determined

3. Relatedness — feeling a sense of belonging

   
   

If we feel pressured from outside, rather than self-determined, it creates friction. If our environment doesn’t feel safe and supportive, it undermines our sense of competence. Relatedness — the feeling of belonging — also plays a crucial role.

How to move forward

So, first of all, we need to reflect on what exactly is keeping us stuck from all the factors we explored above — or maybe there is something completely different in the mix for you. Tapping can help you find out and bring clarity to what is holding you back. You can simply start tapping: “Even though I feel stuck and full of resistance, and I don’t even know what is holding me back, I choose to love and accept myself.” By addressing what is going on in your mind and body, you may begin to gain more clarity about where your resistance is coming from and perhaps also what it is protecting you from.

Maybe it is a belief you have been holding on to. You can go deeper by asking yourself: When did I decide this was true? What was the situation? Who was there? What happened? You might then tap: “Even though I remember this one moment when I decided that languages are not for me, because…, right here and right now I’m okay.”

It may also be pressure from other people in your life that increases your resistance. Then you can ask yourself: In what other situations in my life have I felt pressured to do something? Is this feeling of expectation — that I don’t want to, or can’t, fulfill — familiar? From there you can create a setup statement using your findings, for example: “Even though my parents expected me to be…/to do X when I was … years old and I felt…, I love and accept myself anyway.”

This way, you can resolve old beliefs and events that have been feeding your resistance and maybe even create new ones. The following practical tips will fall on much more fertile ground once you have cleared away the weeds.

Practical Tips

• Be specific about what you want to achieve and how this connects to your identity. Ask yourself:

  • How could I find more meaning in this?

  • What will I be able to do once I achieve this?

  • How will I see myself differently once I’ve learned this language?

• Break goals into smaller steps.

• Think about how to create lasting habits (James Clear’s Atomic Habits is still a great resource).

• Boost external motivation: reward yourself, find an accountability system, or get a study buddy.

• Improve your environment: find a supportive teacher, a friendly community, or resources you enjoy.

  
  

As always, the process starts with reflection and a willingness to explore. Allow yourself to go deeper, trusting that you’ll be safe and can handle what comes up, one step at a time, tap by tap. Book a free chat if you’d like guidance along the way.

Join the mailing list to get access to the next monthly free group tapping session — I look forward to welcoming you to that safe space to dive deeper into your blocks around language learning.

Further reading:

Stephen Scott, Anne-Laure Dubrac. Managing resistance and desire in language learning: a basic developmental and motivational process. Études en didactique des langues, 2019, Apprendre une langue: envies et résistances / Learning a language: desire and resistance, 32, pp.7-27. Hal-04034039

Yuan Zhang and Jonathan E. Taylor. Cognitive-Psychological Resistance in Adult Learners Learning English as a Second Language. Auburn University.