How to Break Up with Your Phone and Get Your Time Back - Part 1

We all know that our phones and our constant consumption of social media aren’t exactly good for us. Most of us are at least somewhat aware of the bad reputation modern technology is getting. More and more studies are being published, and I’m sure many of us think, yes, that sounds a bit like me — but surely I’m not as bad as those people in the studies. The media is just scaremongering, right? All this bad press feels a bit over the top anyway, and besides, don’t we have bigger things to worry about — wars, climate change, and all the rest?

Yes, of course. But I’d like to say here that new technology influences so many areas of our lives and is so present in our everyday routines that it’s hard to imagine what life would be like without these devices. We are constantly bombarded with information, to the point that it feels overwhelming — even unnecessary — to stop and reflect on how much these little devices have become involved in our lives. It doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about the epidemic of loneliness, our ability to focus, or other aspects of our mental wellbeing — phones play a significant role in how we feel and how we interact with the world around us.

And in case you’re still not convinced that phones (which I’ll use as a synonym for all modern technology — social media, messaging apps, etc.) have such an impact, let me tell you this: there’s a study suggesting that many people check their phones during sex. Yes, during sex. Maybe now you’ll agree with me that this topic is worth at least a minute of our time and attention.

When we hear about social atrophy — what Esther Perel calls the decline of real-life social relationships — it’s often connected to our phones. They’re the last thing we touch at night before going to sleep and the first thing we reach for in the morning before even getting out of bed. Esther Perel argues that while we have plenty of online “friends” and followers, especially younger people often lack real-life friends — the kind who do your shopping for you when you’re ill. Another sign that our phones are taking over our lives and quietly stealing our attention and time.

Catherine Price, in her book How to Break Up with Your Phone, explains that for many of us, our phone use can be seen as a form of addiction — which she defines as “seeking out something (a substance or a behaviour) despite negative consequences.” Like with other addictions, we develop a tolerance, needing more and more time on our phones, and we even experience withdrawal symptoms when we try to cut down (on my phone-free days, I definitely felt some low-level anxiety and uneasiness at first, read more about my experience here).

The addiction to our phones is based on the same brain processes as other addictive behaviours. When we check our phones, dopamine is released — we feel a little thrill, and we want that feeling again and again. We pick up our phone because there might be something nice waiting for us — a message, a like, a comment — and our brain releases dopamine in anticipation. Unpredictability plays an important role here: we don’t know what we’ll find, but we’ve had pleasant surprises before, so we keep checking, hoping for more.

Another reason we keep going back is that our phones constantly provide new information. From an evolutionary point of view, FOMO (the fear of missing out) once helped us survive — it kept us motivated to seek food or new opportunities. Now, that same instinct keeps us anxious about missing something when we put our phones down, and to soothe that feeling, we pick them up again. And so we get caught in an endless cycle.

We also want to be liked. We post things to be seen, to feel that we matter — and then we keep checking to see if others agree. And here’s the problem: what do we think when a post gets zero likes? It’s not just a private disappointment anymore, it feels like a public moment of disapproval — even if that’s not really true.

So, looking at this research hopefully helps us understand what we are getting ourselves into when it comes to phones and social media. Is the goal to break up with our phones completely and never touch them again? No. But we can become more conscious and redefine our relationship with them — to get to a place where we use them to enrich our lives, not to rule them.

Catherine Price offers guidance through a 30-day challenge in her book. If you don’t want all the details, I highly recommend subscribing to the free Guardian newsletter Reclaim Your Brain. Each week, Catherine Price shares reflections and small actions to try.

In the first week, it’s all about becoming aware of your behaviour. She suggests installing a tracker on your phone to see how often you pick it up and where you spend most of your time. She also recommends creating “speed bumps” — little reminders like a rubber band around your phone or an unattractive lock screen — to make you pause and ask yourself: Why am I reaching for my phone? What for?

She starts the whole journey with one simple question: What would you like to pay attention to? Because what we pay attention to determines how we spend our lives. She also reminds us that social media is “free” because we pay with our attention. Even just one hour a day adds up to 15 days a year — maybe that fact alone makes this worth thinking about.

In week two, it’s about deleting apps, stopping notifications, and even creating physical boundaries — yes, getting an alarm clock and leaving your phone in another room overnight is on the list.

In week three, the focus is on taking breaks from your phone and retraining your ability to focus by choosing other activities instead — like reading, meditating, or spending time outside. And yes, you’ll even turn your phone off completely for at least 24 hours.

In week four, the last week of the challenge, it’s about pruning your digital life — unsubscribing, unfollowing, and decluttering your feeds. Then, it’s time to reflect on what has worked and what hasn’t, and hopefully arrive at a more intentional, balanced use of your time and attention.

After all, social media can be engaging and fun. Nobody wants to demonise technology, but we do want to take back our power and have clear strategies for dealing with devices that are designed to pull us in and keep us scrolling for hours on end.

The first step, of course, is reflection: Do I use my phone because I long for connection, distraction, or maybe because I want to feel informed and safe? Different things come up in different situations, and it’s a good moment to pause and notice.

If you’re open to a small experiment, you might find that tapping (EFT) can help you manage those moments — the longing to feel better, to distract yourself, to soothe something inside. These habits are so automatic that change won’t happen overnight — but it is possible. It just takes time, awareness, and attention.

Join me for a quick tap-along video to build a better relationship with your phone and create some space to ask yourself what you truly want to pay attention to.

Resources:

Catherine Price, How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life (Ten Speed Press, 2018)

Bartlett, Steven, host. “Sex Expert (Esther Perel): The Relationship Crisis No One Talks About That’s Killing Your Sex Life!” The Diary of a CEO, 12 June 2025, YouTube, https://youtu.be/QCaFWrT0j-g?si=d2_Q--VVewFmq8GN.